Conversations with a 5yr old:

*In my confused quest to do something with my life, I decide to ask my son what he thinks I should do; since I have no idea myself.

Me: Hey Noah, if you could give me any job in the world to do, what job would you give me? What should I do for work?

Noah: I would want you to be happy.

Me: Awwww. Thank you, but what should I do for a job? Like, what should Mommy do when she grows up?

Noah: You should do whatever you want to do.

Me: Ok, but I don't know what I want to do. What do you think I want to do?

Noah: I think you should be a police lady.

Me: Really? Why?

Noah: 'Cuz you're beautiful.

Me: ...and police ladies are beautiful?

Noah: Yes.

Take a bite outta crime.

Metro bus driver takes bite out of McGruff the Crime Dog, police say

McGruff never saw this one coming.

McGruff the Crime Dog, the stern but beloved police mascot who teaches children how to stop crime before it happens, became a victim himself this weekend when a Metro bus driver punched him in the face as a stunned group of children watched, authorities said.

McGruff, who is played by D.C. Police Officer Tyrone Hardy, was passing out fliers to children at the corner of 14th Street and Spring Road in Northwest Washington around 2:30 p.m. Saturday when a Metrobus pulled up to the curb.

The bus driver, 38-year-old Shawn Brim, climbed out of the bus, adjusted both side-view mirrors and then slugged McGruff in the face with his closed fist, according to a police report. Because the huge McGruff head offered little visibility, Hardy didn't see the punch coming, one officer said.

McGruff staggered, children screamed, and the crime dog's attacker jumped back into the bus and drove off, police said. A call of an assault on a police officer went out over the police radio while passengers on the bus yelled at Brim.

D.C. police working with McGruff hopped in their cruisers and pulled over the Metrobus three blocks away. Brim, 38, later told a supervisor that he was trying "to be funny," Metro spokeswoman Candace Smith told The Examiner on Monday.

"But nobody here finds it funny, believe me," Smith said.*NOBODY BUT THIS BLOGGER, THAT IS* "That kind of behavior is not tolerated."

Hardy was left with a swollen right cheek but refused to be taken to the hospital by D.C. paramedics. Hardy called in sick Monday.

"He was in good spirits but seemed more concerned that the attack upset the kids," police Lt. Alan Thomas said.

Brim was charged with simple assault. His arraignment had not been scheduled as of Monday afternoon.

Brim, who has been employed by Metro since 2003, will undergo drug and alcohol testing by Metro officials, and his future with the agency is under review, Smith said. Brim has a history of arrests in the District of Columbia, including on suspicion of prostitution on Oct. 30, 2006, possession of PCP in 1994 and possession of a gun in 1990, according to court records. In each case, prosecutors declined to file the charges in court.

All Metro transit employees go through background checks when hired, Smith said. Metro applicants are not eligible for hire if they have one felony conviction within the last three years or two within the last 10 years. Applicants with multiple arrests or convictions for lesser crimes will be less likely to be hired, Smith said.

(Copyright 2009 by The Examiner. All Rights Reserved.)

Wait a min. This dude has a history of prostitution, drug possession, and gun possession; and he STILL got hired to drive around a bunch of kids?! Are you kidding me?! I guess as long as your driving record is clean, it's all good.

However, this is still hilarious. The crime enforcement mascot was punched in the face. In front of children. What could be more perfect than that?

Who needs porn when ya got this?!

OMG, I've never been attracted to Jim Carrey before seeing this movie, but GODDAMN, that is HOT! Seriously, maybe it's because I'm a chick and girls get off more to fantasy than visual (unlike guys), but this clip gets me so revved up and ready to go! OH!

Ha!

i'm so broke...

another way to lol @ work...

True Office Confessions


hahaha i just spent 2 hours on that site. awesome.

I love you, Selma Blair!