There is no justice in the world.

Does anyone remember the douche bag who kept his girlfriend in the bathroom for two years? Okay, okay, so maybe he didn't physically lock her ass in the bathroom, she stayed willingly, BUT, he didn't call for help for the two years she was in there.

Finally, I guess she stopped moving around in the bathroom and just sat on the toilet and wouldn't get off of it for a month straight. That's when he called the police. I suspect it was their only bathroom and the jackass was tired of pissing in the kitchen sick. Anyhoo, when the police got there, they found the girlfriend physically stuck to the toilet seat! The toilet seat!

Now, if you've seen the episode of Nip/Tuck where the lady is surgically removed from her couch, you can actually picture this scenario pretty well. But there is a very painful difference: couch = fabric, toilet seat = plastic. OW.

But that's not why I'm talking about this guy today. I'm talking about this guy because he just won the lottery jackpot for the second time this year! Are you freakin' kidding me?!

Somewhere in the depths of hell, Satan just earned himself another soul.

Source: KSALLink.com

Ever regret that drunk email?

Well, then this just might be the best invention ever. It's called Mail Goggles, appropriately so. Basically you set a drunk schedule on your email, and whenever you try to email during said drunken period, a nifty little prompt pops up.



hahahahahha niceee. Now, if only they could put this program on my phone! hellloooo drunk texting!

Mail Goggles

Mom.

So, after browsing through many other blogs, and some myspace groups, I have been hit with nonstop parent posts. So here's mine. This is my favourite picture of my mom. She is in her teens here, and has never looked more beautiful. Sometimes I truly hate this bitch, but even when I hate her, I love her.

OH, fun fact of the day: every time we call each other on the phone, instead of saying "hello," we say, "hey ho" or "hey hooker, what's up." And somehow, the phrase, "god mom, you are such a whore," enters the conversation more than once. Ahhh goodtimes.

politiks

A Text Message.

C: So I'm eating at Sonic and half of the university of tennesse cheerleaders just pulled up and got out right in front of me

Me: Oooh the cozmos are making up for such a crappy bday

C: Thirty sucks

C: [sends picture]

Me: Whatever pic you sent, I cant "retrieve" it right now

C: It was me eating my chili cheese dog

Me: Why the fuck would i want a pic of u eating? Frm now on, im going to take a pic every time i eat & send it to u. Even if ur w/ me

C: It was my bday chili dog on my 30th bday. It was monumental.

Me: Ur an idiot. Only an old guy would think thats monumental. Just think, today a chilidog, in a few years, an erection.

C: Blow me.

Me: btw, im wearing a skirt today.

C: Oh by the way i'm wearing a tie today.

Me: Skirt trumps tie since we're both turned on by them. I win. Even on ur bday, i win.

a voting message...

and even though I'm not all together conviced that voting truely matters, I think I might actually vote this year. The world is a mess, and even if it doesn't matter, it couldn't hurt right?

Happy Birthday, Boyfriend!