Jun 25 2008

I've been dreaming a lot lately. Last night was no exception. I dreamt that I was standing in my bathroom, towel-wrapped, fresh from a very steamy shower. A blonde, shirtless man walked in and after a little bit of flirting, I began kissing him. That's when, through my fantastic peripheral vision, I saw my boyfriend standing in the hallway, watching us. Immediately I break the very hot kissing session and run after my boyfriend. He calmly walks into our bedroom and begins packing his shit up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I don't know what I was doing," I keep repeating to him over and over. He simply asks, "How long has this been going on?" To which I reply, "It just happened, that was the first time, I swear!"

Of course shirtless hottie disappears and the rest of the dream is my boyfriend breaking up with me and me trying to convince him otherwise. By the end of the dream, my boyfriend, who has stayed calm throughout, tells me that he isn't even mad. That our relationship has been dead for a long time. And in my heart I know he's right, and that I just don't want to let go.

So I wake up feeling anxious and my heart is beating fast and my chest is tight from worry and anticipation because something in the dream rings true. I feel like crying. I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be single. I don't want to lose my boyfriend.