Mid-Morning Dream:

I had a dream...

In my dream, I was high school age, and living with my parents and siblings in some little east coast town. However, it was present day.

We were having some sort of little get-together with friends and family when President Bush showed up with his wife Laura. He was getting ready for his very last televised speech as president and wanted a place to chill out before going on. Of course we said yes.

I was already in my parent's room when President Bush came in and said he wanted to take a nap. He asked me to be the person to wake him up. We got into a small discussion about when he should wake up and what to bring him at that time. The only problem was, we couldn't figure out what the current time was.

My watch time was different than my phone time, and both were completely different than multiple clocks throughout the house. My watch was saying 1:16pm, My phone was saying 4:15pm, and the clock beside the bed was saying 6pm. So, I started to panic.

President Bush lays down while I try to figure out what time it is, so then I can tell him, and he can in turn, tell me when to wake him up.

I walk into the kitchen. Here, many people and their kids are mingling about, eating, talking, visiting with one another. I say, "Excuse me, but does anyone have the correct time?" Somehow, my urgency for find the time is laughable because everyone sort of laughs and brushes me off. Sort of like, oh that jessica, her and her silly notions.

My older brother Jason asks me why it's such a big deal. So I tell him, "well, the president is taking a nap in dad's bed and the ONLY job he gave me was to wake him up at xoclock and i can't even figure out what time it is now, so I could potentially screw up the President's Last Televised Speech by not waking the President up on time!!!"

"Oh, well, that's easy, it's...." and as everyone in the kitchen look around, we realise that none of the clocks say the same time either. I find the president's wife, Laura in the living room at the buffet table. I ask her for the time and say that I have to wake George up but can't figure out when to do it. She misunderstands what I mean by that, and proceeds to make up a plate for him, telling me that George will be pretty hungry when I wake him, and to bring him this tray of food and some coffee. Oh, and a newspaper that is three quarters of the way intact (since it was afternoon, I suppose she didn't want me to bring him a nearly empty paper).

She keeps putting various cold cuts and cheeses and things onto this platter, all the while giving me these instructions; however, some pigtailed little blonde girl keeps picking things off the platter. I tell her to stop and try to shoo her away, but it only adds to the anxiety that is building.

Laura walks away so I decide that I might as well take the tray to the President's bedside. As I start to pick it up, I notice a guy kind of off to the side, shaking his head and sort of chuckling to himself. I'm pretty mentally frazzled at this point and almost yell a "what?!" at him. He says, "what's the big deal, just chill out, no one is going to let the president oversleep. Besides, the job they gave you was to introduce him, not wake him up."

"WHAT?!" Introduce him? Oh god, I have no make up on and I'm wearing a pull over hoodie and look like all around crap. Plus, I don't know how long I have to get ready before the speech since I dont know what TIME IT IS!!!

I run to Laura and ask her about it and she says "noooo! no, you are not introducing him! hahahha I'm sorry, but we have someone else -"

"That's okay, really. I don't want to do it. Thank you so much!"

hahahha so, my anxiety is now pretty much gone with that relief. I figure that I have nothing to worry about and the President's wife or secret service can wake him. I wonder back into the kitchen thinking about how I let all that get me so frazzled and I literally bump into that guy. It dawns on me that he just lied and played a joke on me; which made me look like a bigger fool than I'm sure I was already looking. I playfully hit him and act like I'm mad, but it gets us talking.

He is cute and I already am crushing on him. Even though my dream is set in the past and the present, I know I have a boyfriend. I flirt anyway.

My older brother comes back in and I'm joking and laughing with both of them now. I guess I feel pretty confident at this point, because I pick up a piece of broccoli and walk over to that guy. I say, "would you like to try this? It's pretty awful." He says, "I'll try it but how about we make this out first official mouth to mouth interaction?"

We step out back and I put the broccoli halfway into my mouth and leave half sticking out. He takes the other half with his mouth, ala body shots. It's sexy. I ask him, "pretty awful, huh?" and we laugh.

We go back inside and mingle and just hang out.

The dream kind of turns into something else entirely at that point, but it was pretty odd to begin with. Odd but nice.

Dreams can be so tiring...

For months I've been having a lot of dreams. It's sort of odd.

A few nights ago I had a dream where I was waiting tables at my old job, and was about to get off work since it was almost closing time. I fixed myself a salad to eat after cleaning up and set it down. Suddenly, the restaurant started to fill up w/ customers at the last minute. One of the other servers started complaining about getting sat because they had just finished cleaning their section, but I told him to stop whining and get back on the floor, since the restaurant was literally filling up and no one was leaving. At this point there are three servers (including me) handling the dining room, and while I'm in the main wait part of the kitchen in the back, I hear a voice yell out, "gun!." Shots are fired and everyone falls to the ground, including me. I can see into the dining room from where I am in the kitchen, and I get out my cell phone. A man is standing up, holding a child, and pointing the gun at who I can only assume is the child's mother or grandmother. As I'm describing the situation to the 911 operator, all cop-like (shots fired at Lone Star Cafe in Hillsboro Tx, shooter is a black male, in his late 20s, early 30's, white tshirt, black pants, etc etc), I see that he sees me. He starts coming toward the kitchen. I know I'm about to get shot, but can't stop talking to the 911 operator. I wake up.

A week ago, I have a dream where I've just parked my white van (I don't own a van in actual life). It's dark, nighttime. I get out with my passenger and we start walking up and around a building. A couple of people come out of the darkness, perhaps from behind a tree, and a man has a gun. He points it at me. I raise my hands above my head and start to say something like, "hey man, chill out, just take the van.." but before I can even finish a sentence, he shoots me. I gasp with so much force (and surprise) that it physically wakes me up.

I was telling my sister about these dreams and she promised to look up shootings/violence/etc in her dream books and get back to me. Here is what she found out:

guns: whether you saw it, heard it or used it, any type of gun featured in your dream forecasts an injustice, either to you or to someone in your close circle, which you will have to fight hard to overcome

hmmmm.

Dream...

When I woke up this morning from my dream, I was feeling anxious and freaked out, and happy and sad, and confused. Usually when I dream about my boyfriend, that's the aftermath. Now, my lovely boyfriend occasionally reads this blog, so baby, DO NOT TAKE THIS DREAM LITERALLY. Or do, however you want to look at it. The ending seems to be quite a predictable you, so you might like that. Who knows. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Here it is, or what I can remember 9hrs after the fact:

My boyfriend and I are living in the same crummy apartment, but it's slightly more run down and smaller. In my dream, we know the previous tenant, and she is about our age, attractive, but totally flaky. My boyfriend hates her because she has caused a lot of the ongoing physical problems with the apartment that we are paying for, and she continues to drop by. I guess her and I are friends. Or rather, I feel bad for her so I let her come by. I never say her name in the dream, so I don't know what it is for this retelling.

Now, on this particular day, my boyfriend and I are exchanging our usual banter, and somehow (as it often does), marriage comes up. I usually tease him about us getting married, but it's always just teasing. Him and I are so not marriage people, and we know that it will never happen. However, in my dream, the teasing turns serious. He, rather nonchalantly, tells me that he will ask me to marry him, later tonight actually. I start to panic and freak out on him. He is totally serious, and I am almost to the point of tears because I know what my answer will be and I'm scared that I'll hurt him and hurt us. He can't stop smiling and I finally ask him, with tears in my eyes, "what if I say no?" He just smiles and hugs me and starts to get ready for work.

After he leaves for work, the former tenant stops by with her baby. The baby must be about 12 months old, maybe a little younger. She begs me if she can leave him here so that she can go on a job interview, all the while giving me some sob story. Before I can really say yes or no, she sort of just pushes him on me; telling me that she left his baby food in "his cupboard" and his diapers are in the diaper bag. She's out the door and on the interview (one that she ends up drinking at). I'm overcome with the feeling that she has abandoned her baby for good. I rush over to the baby's cupboard, one that she herself put up when she lived here. It's a "baby-sized" cupboard, one that fits little jars of baby food perfectly in. I open it and to my relief, only see enough baby food for the day. I know if she were to leave him with me for good; she would have brought every jar of baby food she had left in her house.

Somehow, in between the time where she left and the time my boyfriend got home from work, I had invited over a group of my old friends from Texas. In my dream, we all live in the same town again, so their coming over isn't anything special. I'm rushing around taking care of the baby and entertaining my guests while trying to find the right opportunity to tell them that my boyfriend will ask me to marry him in a few hours. That I may or may not be engaged later tonight. I need some perspective. I need help and input. I need to figure this out.

Before I can say anything, he comes home. I tentatively tell him that former tenant was over and left her baby with me to watch; and that I didn't know when she would be back. I wait for him to get mad, but he doesn't mind. He seems happy. Actually, he seems pretty damn giddy. I've never seen him like that and I know that it's because of the anticipation of popping the question. I can sense that....feeling...that, I just know this is right feeling coming from him and it freaks me out because I don't think committing to him will be right. I don't think I can go through with it. I'm a bundle of nervous energy and nausea at this point.

The dream fast forwards. The guests have left (without me telling them what the night will bring) and former tenant has come and gone, baby in tow. My boyfriend and I are starting to get into the bedtime routine. In my head a great struggle is going on. Do I say yes? Do I say no? Can I say yes? Or should I say no? I settle on saying no, then I decide that I'm going to say yes. Then no, then yes. I wonder if I can say yes then break if off later. I wonder a lot of things.

And then....nothing. Nothing happens. We go to bed. He never asks me. In the morning he gets ready for work like nothing happened. Even his mood is back to normal, no giddiness shown. I know him telling me he was going to ask the big question was not a joke, so I don't know whether to be relieved or hurt now. I'm nothing, if not confused.

That's where the dream ends.

i had a dream once...

...when I was about 11yrs old. My dream was crazy and long, and vividly colorful. At one point I was floating in the ocean and came upon Steven Tyler (from Aerosmith), and he was shaped kinda like a dingy, and looked like those wooden weebles who, you open and there is another weeble inside, and you open that one, and there is another one inside, over and over. Anyhoo, the dream ended like this: My mother and I were driving to a friend's house to pick up a motorcycle for her. In order for her to get the motorcycle home, she had to drive it, and I was to follow her in our white ford taurus. As we are driving our respected vehicles, something goes wrong. I hear her say "oh, shit" and she loses control of the motorcycle and falls. I can't help but to run her over.

I wake up gasping and panicked, and start to cry.

Years later my mom and I are having one of our 3am talks. I tell her about that dream and I dismiss it by saying that she always talked about wanting a motorcycle. She says that maybe I was subconsciously worried about her dying. Which had never occurred to me since I never really imagined her actually dying. I had imagined my father dying and getting the phone call telling me of his passing. I had imagined that a lot actually. I worked out all different scenarios where I would get the phone call at school or at home, and what my reaction would be. Of course when it happened, it was very different than anything I had ever thought up. But, amongst all my seemingly morbid daydreaming, I had never out-and-out imagined my mother dying.

Now I do all the time.

Jun 25 2008

I've been dreaming a lot lately. Last night was no exception. I dreamt that I was standing in my bathroom, towel-wrapped, fresh from a very steamy shower. A blonde, shirtless man walked in and after a little bit of flirting, I began kissing him. That's when, through my fantastic peripheral vision, I saw my boyfriend standing in the hallway, watching us. Immediately I break the very hot kissing session and run after my boyfriend. He calmly walks into our bedroom and begins packing his shit up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I don't know what I was doing," I keep repeating to him over and over. He simply asks, "How long has this been going on?" To which I reply, "It just happened, that was the first time, I swear!"

Of course shirtless hottie disappears and the rest of the dream is my boyfriend breaking up with me and me trying to convince him otherwise. By the end of the dream, my boyfriend, who has stayed calm throughout, tells me that he isn't even mad. That our relationship has been dead for a long time. And in my heart I know he's right, and that I just don't want to let go.

So I wake up feeling anxious and my heart is beating fast and my chest is tight from worry and anticipation because something in the dream rings true. I feel like crying. I don't want to be alone, I don't want to be single. I don't want to lose my boyfriend.