Now THIS is something I would totally rock on Halloween:

A slutty hamburger dress. Click here to view the product page, with side and rear pictures of the dress. Sadly, no way to buy it. I could totally rock a bra with it, with bacon straps of course. Maybe a bacon garter belt with crocheted stockings. Oh the possibilities. I'll be ordered up your way, baby! hahahahha. You just have to provide the sauce.

"i'm in a long-term, commited relationship"

We met when I was 17yrs old. He was 25. We worked together at the same restaurant. Oh, did I mention that I was still in high school and pregnant? haha dude has something for fat chicks. To make matters more tantalizing, my mother was our boss. Oh the deliciousness.

We started hooking up 3 months after I had my son. I mean, I'm slutty, but I'm not that slutty. We had to keep it a secret from almost everyone so he wouldn't get fired or thrown in jail. It did start out as purely sexual. Which was great, by the way. I definately did not want a relationship, what with having a bastard child and all; and he had post-divorce hang-ups, so we were perfect for each other. I was drawn to his sarcastic, dry wit. He was drawn to my fantastic post-shoving-a-child-out-of-your-vagina cleavage. It worked.

My mother guessed what was going on before I actually turned 18, but somehow she was cool with it. She was probably high though. He moved in with us soon after that, and; being pussy whipped, he asked if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend.

Of course living with my psycho mother and alcoholic dad just did not work out for us, so we moved out together after I graduated. Now, I love my parents, but there is just so many ripping-phone-jacks-out-of-walls-at-4am sessions I can handle. Oh, don't get me wrong though, my parents are awesome in their disfunction. I totally look forward to visiting with them next month.

Boyfriend and I have been together ever since (5yrs); with the execemption of a brief 3 months separation. Which was heartbreaking, but I did get to hoe it up, so it worked out.

We are perfect for each other, of epicially geek porportions. We have the same horrible since of humor. I joke about my giant vagina, he jokes about option "C". *ppst, that's an abortion joke, kids. And yes, our song is the theme to the super mario bro's games. He thinks it's funny to call me "the Devil." He introduces me to everyone that way. Hell, I'll meet people for the first time, and they already know me as "the Devil." He even has my phone number programed into his phone like that, and everyone thinks it's so hilarious when "the Devil is calling." Asshole.

He is the only guy I've ever loved.

We don't plan on getting married ever. Unless of course, Michael Buble is there to sing, Kevin Smith is there to marry us (with our own fucked up vows), and I have the below mentioned wedding cake.