Wednesday, July 9, 2008

flying in a tin can

It's confirmed. I am now flying to Texas next month. August 3rd - 10th to be exact, so don't expect any posts for that entire week. Sorry to my 1 1/2 readers out there.

I'm very excited, I get to visit my family and friends; most of whom I haven't seen in a year. Many drunken times lay ahead.

After getting raped by the booking fees and random charges; I did discover a few oddly hilarious flight facts.

1) Nunchakus, Spear Guns, Meat Cleavers, Sabers, and Swords are not allowed in any carry on luggage; however, they are allowed in checked luggage.

2) Lighters are the only item on the huge TSA we-discriminate-against-arabs list that are allowed in a carry on bag, but NOT allowed in checked luggage.

3) You better not "be gellin'." Cuz apparently you can be "gellin' like a felon," literally. -Gel insoles are a no-no, checked, carried on, or worn. Interestingly enough, gel bras are perfectly acceptable. I guess getting blown up is okay, as long as you get to see a great pair of tits before you go.

4) You can not transport human remains in checked luggage, but you can totally fly with your dead uncle harry's ashes in a carry on. Although, that bastard never deserved anything better than an eternal date with a devil who has a morbid fasination with constant fisting; fisting with a very large object, which projects jagged edges no less.

I kid, I rather like the way my thursday night dates go.

1 comment:

Slider9012 said...

shit gurl, I gotsa fly first class, cuz my ass is too big from coach. first class tickets will rape your bank acct. hard.

:)

BTW: If you are refering to me as your 1/1/2 reader cuz of my size, i'ma cut u :P
j/k
xoxo