Friday, February 27, 2009

well, my schedule just cleared up

Cons:

My temp job ended yesterday. We worked an entire 12 days. Woooo. I hate that I won't have a paycheck, but I also hate that I won't be able to volunteer there anymore. Our job was to convert all files into a computer system, so all their filing needs are no longer existant. Which also means that my volunteer status matches. Yes, I could volunteer elsewhere, but I really really like the crew over there.

Back on the stalking-job-postings-and-harrassing-hiring-departments-with-my-mass-emailing-of-the-resume job. No Bueno.

Pros:

Well, now I'll be online and blogging more. Since, you know, I don't have a life.

I just carb-loaded for a marathon. A tv watching marathon. My Guilt is equal to or less than My Satisfaction. I will probably rape the shit out of my Netflix Queue later.

Plans:

I am going to make an appointment to talk to admissions about possibly going back to school. I have no aspirations or goals or even ideas of what I want to do, but student grants and loans might ease my bills/stress/debt. Not sure if I'll actually be able to go back to school, but I'm going to find out.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Thursday, February 19, 2009

McObsessed much?



Wow. I am obsessed with the This Is Why You're Fat website. It's amazing. I can get grossed out and hungry all at the same time! However, this picture made me straight up laugh. Also, I think my boyfriend would mclove the shit outta this.

A McDonald’s chocolate milkshake with vanilla vodka, rimmed with BBQ sauce and garnished with a chicken McNugget.

I'm hella lovin' the vanilla vodka part. Pass me one, and make it a 4 piece!

Monday, February 16, 2009

I Use To Be A Hoe ala a Facebook IM

9:28pm[guy i went to highschool with]
yea u remember the old eminem song

9:28pmJessica
which one? hahaha

9:29pm[guy i went to highschool with]
comeon i know u remember
remember the little note i was given over the eminem song
the future mrs andy roddick

9:30pmJessica
lol omg i barely remember anything i've done or said hahahahahaha

9:30pm[guy i went to highschool with]
oh wow

9:30pmJessica
i remember you giving me crap for a screen name saying that "chloe" was my stripper name
i mean, i remember hanging out w/ you at your house, but i hardly remember actual conversations

9:31pm[guy i went to highschool with]
u gave me a note that said that this eminem song was an automatic striptease so i was like shit alright came and picked ur ass up and turned that bitch on and u didnt dissapoint
lol

9:32pmJessica
omg, really? that all started w/ a song? wow. i have the worst memory EVER

9:32pm[guy i went to highschool with]
yea superman i think it was lol

9:32pmJessica
hahahahahha omg. i'm such a hoe

9:32pm[guy i went to highschool with]
i think that was just ur way of wanting to see whatsup though lol

9:33pmJessica
i guess. haha who knows.

9:34pm[guy i went to highschool with]
shit i remember everything i remember running outside with my pants down
thinking my parents were home
lol
now that shit is funny

9:36pmJessica

hahahaha what a dork
i remember you saying something about not sleeping w/ anybody cuz you just didnt do that

9:37pm[guy i went to highschool with]
yea yea
we didnt do that
dammit
lol

9:37pmJessica
was that true? cuz what high school guy doesnt have sex?

9:38pm[guy i went to highschool with]
yea i didnt i was all christian then
whatever

9:38pmJessica
wow
hahahaah yeah, i'm sure jesus is cool w/ handjobs

9:39pm[guy i went to highschool with]
exactly lol
thats what i must have been thinking

9:40pmJessica
nice
i think i was on a no sex kick at that time anyway
a lot of good THAT did

9:41pm[guy i went to highschool with]
yea eveything went on except bj and sex i think cause i think u said u didnt like
to get eaten out

9:42pmJessica
oh yeah. still dont. not really. unless a chick is doing it

9:42pm[guy i went to highschool with]
i dont understand that myself but ok
cause that is like my fav thing to do

9:43pmJessica
i love giving head tho. so i guess we're the same on that aspect

9:43pm[guy i went to highschool with]
no i def love getting that but u said u didnt like to do that back then
i was like fuck man
lol

9:44pmJessica
weird. i was on a no bj kick too. i did it too much when i was younger and decided not to do it for a long time
now its my fav thing

9:44pm[guy i went to highschool with]
fuck off lol

9:45pmJessica

whatever christianboy

Okay, first off, I don't know that song. So, that's pure "like what he likes to get him into bed" kind of thing going on. You know, like what a guy would do. I'm pretty sure I was talking a big game and just wanted to see how far he would take it. Well, he took it all the way to his parent's house.

Also, the "future mrs roddick" thing. I like watching pro tennis. Andy Roddick has been my favorite since he went pro. Granted, his anger problem has gotten better and his return has gotten worse, but whatever.

Anyhoo, the moral of the story is: I've always been a hoe, even when I wasn't having sex.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Happy Post-Valentine's STD Testing Day!

OhNo's!

Dutch city fears loss of pornography archive!

AMSTERDAM — Officials in the Dutch city of Leeuwarden say the municipal pornography archive is missing and they fear it may be lost for good or stolen.

Spokesman Erik Krikke of the city’s historical center says the archive — which contained photos, drawings and erotic texts with a connection to the city — may have been taken home by an employee or visitor.

“We’re hoping that someone will say ‘Hey, I have that in my attic’ and bring it back,” he said Thursday. “No questions asked.”

Krikke said the collection was small enough to have fit in a moving box.


Might I suggest trying Google? I'm sure it's been posted somewhere by now. Perhaps Ebay?

Source

Friday, February 13, 2009

fruitloops.

I talked to my mom on the phone yesterday since it was her birthday. We had a great conversation.

I talked to my mom on the phone today and it was perhaps not a great conversation. She almost started crying. We had to start talking in code.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Oh China!


Apparently you have to be a smarty pants to take the Driver's test in China. You are given a study booklet of 800 questions, 100 of which will be on the test. Not all are even related to driving: If someone's intestines are protruding from an open abdominal wound, should you: A. Put them back in place; B. Do nothing; or, C. Cover them with some kind of container and fasten it around the body?

Plus, you need to ace at least 90 of the questions to pass. Not to mention the bizarro eye exam that you take by reading the panel's reflection through a mirror.

wtf?

Oh, the kicker? Last year alone, 73,500 people were killed and 304,000 injured in traffic accidents in China.

Welcome to China's roads, among the most dangerous in the world.


Read more here

Monday, February 9, 2009

fail



Rock Band Wedding Cake

Maybe I'm completely biased since I am already in love with the Mario Wedding Cake, but this is just sucktastic and full of fail. But hey, to each their own. I hope they stay happy in wedded geeky bliss.

Slightly relieved

and by slightly, i mean i am slightly relieved.

Just got off the phone with two banks discussing my car loans. Yeah, I have two cars leased under my name. Both are late, what with the no job and all. I've been hella stressing about waking up and finding my cars just *gone* one day. I feared the repo man.

The bank that handles my Taurus is much nicer than the back that handles my Jetta, I'll tell you that right now. Neither one is getting repo'd this month, thank goodness. However, I have until Thursday to get $280.51 into my bank account before the Jetta bastards withdrawal from it. Oh, and another $280.51 by the 28th. Neither one likely to happen. Which I told them, but we'll see what happens. That's only for the delinquent payment too. Not counting this month's payment. But hey, at least it's not getting repo'd. That's all that mattered to me.

Now, I just need to file and receive my income tax so I can get myself out of this debt. And credit card debt. Oh, and I haven't paid Daycare yet. Hopefully it'll cover all that, plus the other bills that get automatically deducted from my ahem $0 checking account every month.

Sometimes, being an adult really sucks.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

hopped on the bandwagon!

twitter 1 Pictures, Images and Photos

yup. tweet me here and subscribe or follow or whatever. you know, read the shit i post. that kind of thing.

oh, how do i have my tweets (?) automatically post on this blog? helps! helps! (tweet tweet?) yeah, i'm a dork.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

I just died.






I have been online playing the hella old school game Oregon Trail.

And failing miserably.

First off, I started the game by choosing to be a farmer. I figured a farmer would know more about traveling and hunting and whatnot. Plus, if you make it to the new settlement as a farmer, you get more points.

Next, I named my "party". Dead Man, Dead Woman, Polio Kid, Survivor, and Cripple. Surprisingly, Survivor was the first to die. I morned him and was outraged when I couldn't bury him. Apparently you can only "bury" yourself and give yourself a headstone. Which I found out the unfortunate way.

Here lies Dead Man.
"It's ok to eat yellow snow"


I was also upset that you couldn't ever carry more than 100lbs of food to your wagon, even AFTER you had unloaded hundreds of pounds of dead family. wtf? Really? I think I should be able to make two trips if I shoot two bears or two buffalo in one hunting trip. Or I should have the option to kill one of my ox. Or I should have the option to buy medicine or something. The only recommendation to sickness is to "rest," which is exactly what I blame for 3 of my 5 family member's death. The rest did them in.

And yet, I love this game. Which is odd since most video games piss me off and I have to quit just to save my tv's life so I don't smash my fucking fists through it. I mean, I dig Mario Bros, but after having to restart in the same damn place for the 15th time just pisses me off. And forget any other game. I think the last game I tolerated past a couple of levels was Sypro. Then I realized I had gotten to the end of the DEMO and threw the game against the wall. There was no way I was going to re-play that entire bullshit on the actual game.

Anyhoo, go play Oregon Trail for some good time fun! Lethal Dysentery and all!

*Fun Dysentery shirt here

more potty training creepery

I'm not sure if this shows job dedication or stupidity...

The job market is getting ridiculous

A 16-year-old student went to a job interview instead of the hospital after he and a schoolmate were stabbed yesterday.

Staff at the King West Vets veterinary clinic said the Central Commerce Collegiate student showed up on time for his 1 p.m. co-op placement interview. But when employees noticed blood on his leg, they called police.

"He did really well on the interview and we were very proud of him for sticking to the appointment," said veterinarian Kent Ackerman. He wouldn't say if the student will get the job.

The teen, the second 16-year-old to be stabbed in the Crawford and College Sts. area yesterday, was taken to hospital with minor injuries.
Source

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

50 years ago

Photobucket

Super great article (and comment section) here.


I love this song! My son and I were singing along to it this morning.


Pictures of the crash.

Hey, whatever works.



Welcome to the crapsino sir, please make your deposits here. Dont forget to wash your hands after you cash in your chips!

Wtf?

Well, as someone who has gone through the ABSOLUTE HELL of potty training a kid, I say "whatever works." Seriously, I would much rather go through labor again than potty train again. Now, maybe I've forgotten exactly how painful labor is and I remember how horrible potty training is since it was more recent; but still.

Oh, the icing on the cake? You can get them here.

awesome.

Photobucket

The phone number 867-5309 is up for bid on ebay. CNN is reporting all about it (seriously?). I totally want it. Now, if only my name were Jenny....

Monday, February 2, 2009

The lesson learned is:

Never drink and drive or drink and use Craigslist. Always spells trouble.
MOUNTLAKE TERRACE, Wash. -- Police knew something wasn't quite right after they spotted a man driving a piece of construction lift equipment down a street at 3 a.m. on Thursday. The man, who appparently had been drinking, was in the lift bucket of the Genie Boom with an unopened six-pack of beer and a bag of beef jerky when police pulled the vehicle over. He was clocked at 2 mph.

At first the 29-year old man told police he was just going to the store. But when they asked him why he was in the bucket on the lift, he said he was delievering the $20,000 piece of construction equipment on a dare from a stranger he met on Craigslist, according to a police report.

The Everett Herald reported the lift apparently had been taken from a construction site.

The man was jailed for investigation of theft.


source

hahahah whatcha wanna bet dude has no idea why he's waking up in a jail cell the next day?