Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Man punches shark, wishes he were Chuck Norris.


My boyfriend's birthday is tomorrow and he won't be here to celebrate it. He had to fly out to TN to see his mom, who is sick and in the hospital. I'm sad that she is in the hospital and I'm sad that he is gone. I found out that she won't be coming to live with us, and that makes me kind of sad too. Yes, she will be closer, but I was daydreaming about getting a rental house and all of us living together. It would have been nice.

So anyway, I'll probably be wrapping presents tonight, while watching House and Fringe on FOX. Maybe I'll get some wine. It seems like a wine kind of night.

I ♥ bloopers.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Fun Fact of the Day:

I love the sound of a professional football game being played.

I do not watch football or keep track of in any way. However, I love the sound of the game. It embodies every thing about autumn and family and holidays and togetherness. I'll put a game on the tv and go about my day, cleaning or reading or whatnot. And the only thing that should be allowed on tv Thanksgiving Day, other than football, is the Macy's Day Parade. Other than that, non stop football. Plus, it's imperative that the game is professional, not college. I swear the commentators are just...different. Not only the words, obviously, but the tone.

I love October, November, and December. I love cold weather. I love the holidays. I love hearing football in the background. I love hearing my dad yell at the tv screen during said football games. I love drinking hot chocolate outside. I love scarves. I love fireplaces. I love family being all together, happy and jolly and drinking and joking.

I really really miss not being around my family for the holidays.

Friday, September 26, 2008


Ahhhh Google Image Search, you are my savior on slow, slow work days. Somehow, searching for "tgif" resulted in this:


Thursday, September 25, 2008

I just had the creepiest encounter...

[Sharply dressed man enters office. Mid to late 30's, Possibly early 40's. Blond hair, blue eyes.]

Me: Good Morning!

Sharply Dressed Man: Good Morning! How are you doing today?

Me: I'm doing great, how are you?

Sharply Dressed Man: I'm doing pretty good. (Smiles) Do you have a business card for the property owner?

Me: Sure.

[as I'm reaching for said business card..]
Sharply Dressed Man: I use to do the landscaping for this location and I guess he went with someone else .....(continues into long story about landscaping)

Me: Oh well, yes, Kevin would be who you would talk to about that. [Hands him business card]

Sharply Dressed Man who just gave me suedo-sob story: What's your name?

[We exchange names]
Sharply Dressed Man who just gave me some bullshit sob story: I think I was told to talk to you about any decisions being made about landscaping. Yes, I'm pretty sure Kevin told me to talk to you about that.

Me: No, no I don't make any of those decisions. Kevin is the decision maker, he has to sign off on everything. Ha ha, I'm rarely kept in the loop. Ha Ha (nervous laughter, thinking: okay, you can go now)

Sharply Dressed Man who is now lingering: (Still smiling) That's a nice tattoo.

Me: (Surprised, since dude has not looked anywhere but into my eyes) Oh, thanks.

Sharply Dressed, Lingering Man: Did it hurt?

Me: No, not at all.

Sharply Dressed, Lingering Man: Oh really? Mine hurt. (shows me his tattoo, which is located on the back of his shoulder.) See here? The skin is thin here and that's why it hurt. Here, feel how thin this is.

Me: Uh, yeah. Well, I want my next tattoo on my foot, so I'm sure that one will hurt.

Sharply Dressed, Stalling Man: (brightens) Oh, your foot! Where on your foot?

Me: (shows where next tattoo will be by pointing along the top of my foot) Here and here.

Sharply Dressed Man: (rubs his finger along the top of my foot) Oh yeah, that's going to hurt right there. See? The skin is thin. Wow, you have really little feet!

Me, Slightly creeped out: Really? Um, no, they're pretty big.

Sharply Dressed, Slightly Creepy Man: No. What size do you wear?

Me: I wear about an 8 1/2, 9.

Sharply Dressed, Slightly Creepy Man: Nooo, really? Can I see your feet again?

Me, Very Creeped Out: Uh, yeah, see. They're pretty big, but I'm tall so maybe it just doesn't seem like it.

Definitely Creepy Man: Where are you getting the tattoo again?

Me, Desperately Wanting This Conversation To Be Over: Here and here (pointing).

Creepy Man: (running his fingers along my foot) Oh. So, no pantyhose today?

Me: um. (nervous laughter) no. yeah, I know, I need them. (puts legs under desk)

Me: but yeah, I kind of hope it hurts when I get my foot tattooed. (realizes how that just sounded) Uh, because my feet are extremely ticklish, so I don't know if it's going to hurt or tickle.

Creepy Guy: haha Really?

Me: Yeah, I can tickle my own feet. That's how ticklish they are.

Creepy Guy: Like, the tops of them?

Me: (puzzled as to why we are having this conversation) Uh, no. (thinks).. NO. Just the bottoms I guess. But it's really weird.

Creepy Guy: ha ha. Wow. Well, I don't know, it'll probably hurt.

[Somehow, my feet are back in his hands at this point]

Creepy Guy: (rubbing the top of my foot and starts to slip his finger down the inside of my foot, all the while looking up at me and grinning.)

Me: (Officially creeped out, and pull my foot away.) ha ha. (nervous laughter) Yeah, that tickled. ha ha. (it didn't tickle. perhaps the one time in my life that someone touched my foot and it didn't tickle. I guess creepy is my krypton)

Me: So, uh, haha, yeah, Kevin is who you need to call about landscaping.

So that's basically where the conversation wrapped up. He said he would give my boss a call and left. Um....wtf? I understand fetishes, believe me do I understand them. But to be totally creepy to a stranger, in a place of business....inappropriately so? I don't know. I'm officially creeped out for the day. Just think: That guy probably went and jacked off in his car after our little exchange.



Wednesday, September 24, 2008



Apparently, sloth can, not only be a costume, but it can also be sexy. Costume makers must truely be running out of ideas. Fail.

However, I would totally rock this costume:
Hahahahahah. Awesome.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Monday, September 22, 2008

Last night...

I saw So You Think You Can Dance LIVE! Season 4's top 10 are on freakin' tour, and it was awesome! I'm surprised it was that good, actually! All the dancers were fantastic, and Katee's hair was even shinier in person!


Crazy good:

Love it:

Still my favorite dance:

Friday, September 19, 2008

You know there is something wrong when....

....your 5yr old knows the names of who is running for U.S. Senate and you don't. I'm not kidding. My son talks about Jeff Merkley and Gordon Smith randomly (and often), and I usually can't even remember their names. Proof solid that campaign commericials have gotten way out of hand.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Toilet Aquarium....uh, cool?


-Looks awesome
-The fish tank is conveniently located for when your fish die


-Cleaning that tank has GOT to suck
-You will probably end up with some fucked up fish from all the vibrations and whatnot that go along with that whole flushing-thing (which in turn leads us back to the convenient location, right ontop of a fishy graveyard)

Well, the Pro list almost won...then I saw the price tag..$300! Uh, never mind. My crack habit is way more important.


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Friday, September 12, 2008

Pac-Man, The Movie

totally awesome!


When I woke up this morning from my dream, I was feeling anxious and freaked out, and happy and sad, and confused. Usually when I dream about my boyfriend, that's the aftermath. Now, my lovely boyfriend occasionally reads this blog, so baby, DO NOT TAKE THIS DREAM LITERALLY. Or do, however you want to look at it. The ending seems to be quite a predictable you, so you might like that. Who knows. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Here it is, or what I can remember 9hrs after the fact:

My boyfriend and I are living in the same crummy apartment, but it's slightly more run down and smaller. In my dream, we know the previous tenant, and she is about our age, attractive, but totally flaky. My boyfriend hates her because she has caused a lot of the ongoing physical problems with the apartment that we are paying for, and she continues to drop by. I guess her and I are friends. Or rather, I feel bad for her so I let her come by. I never say her name in the dream, so I don't know what it is for this retelling.

Now, on this particular day, my boyfriend and I are exchanging our usual banter, and somehow (as it often does), marriage comes up. I usually tease him about us getting married, but it's always just teasing. Him and I are so not marriage people, and we know that it will never happen. However, in my dream, the teasing turns serious. He, rather nonchalantly, tells me that he will ask me to marry him, later tonight actually. I start to panic and freak out on him. He is totally serious, and I am almost to the point of tears because I know what my answer will be and I'm scared that I'll hurt him and hurt us. He can't stop smiling and I finally ask him, with tears in my eyes, "what if I say no?" He just smiles and hugs me and starts to get ready for work.

After he leaves for work, the former tenant stops by with her baby. The baby must be about 12 months old, maybe a little younger. She begs me if she can leave him here so that she can go on a job interview, all the while giving me some sob story. Before I can really say yes or no, she sort of just pushes him on me; telling me that she left his baby food in "his cupboard" and his diapers are in the diaper bag. She's out the door and on the interview (one that she ends up drinking at). I'm overcome with the feeling that she has abandoned her baby for good. I rush over to the baby's cupboard, one that she herself put up when she lived here. It's a "baby-sized" cupboard, one that fits little jars of baby food perfectly in. I open it and to my relief, only see enough baby food for the day. I know if she were to leave him with me for good; she would have brought every jar of baby food she had left in her house.

Somehow, in between the time where she left and the time my boyfriend got home from work, I had invited over a group of my old friends from Texas. In my dream, we all live in the same town again, so their coming over isn't anything special. I'm rushing around taking care of the baby and entertaining my guests while trying to find the right opportunity to tell them that my boyfriend will ask me to marry him in a few hours. That I may or may not be engaged later tonight. I need some perspective. I need help and input. I need to figure this out.

Before I can say anything, he comes home. I tentatively tell him that former tenant was over and left her baby with me to watch; and that I didn't know when she would be back. I wait for him to get mad, but he doesn't mind. He seems happy. Actually, he seems pretty damn giddy. I've never seen him like that and I know that it's because of the anticipation of popping the question. I can sense that....feeling...that, I just know this is right feeling coming from him and it freaks me out because I don't think committing to him will be right. I don't think I can go through with it. I'm a bundle of nervous energy and nausea at this point.

The dream fast forwards. The guests have left (without me telling them what the night will bring) and former tenant has come and gone, baby in tow. My boyfriend and I are starting to get into the bedtime routine. In my head a great struggle is going on. Do I say yes? Do I say no? Can I say yes? Or should I say no? I settle on saying no, then I decide that I'm going to say yes. Then no, then yes. I wonder if I can say yes then break if off later. I wonder a lot of things.

And then....nothing. Nothing happens. We go to bed. He never asks me. In the morning he gets ready for work like nothing happened. Even his mood is back to normal, no giddiness shown. I know him telling me he was going to ask the big question was not a joke, so I don't know whether to be relieved or hurt now. I'm nothing, if not confused.

That's where the dream ends.

Fun Fact of the Day

Peter Cullen, who voices Optimus Prime in Transformers, also voices Eeyore in Disney's Winnie-the-Pooh.

(Peter Cullen)

(the very awesome leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime)

(encouraging all kids to off themselves, the ever delightful, Eeyore)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Bored at work?

WOW. and I thought I had a lot of time on my hands at work. This video is pure awesomeness.

EepyBird's post it note experiment from Eepybird on Vimeo.


Well, the boyfriend is turning 30 (gasp) October 1st and I am trying to figure out what the hell to do for him. I'm not very good with birthday's since I stopped celebrating mine about 12 years ago. Plus, what the fuck do you get someone turning 30? Seriously. I mean, I know what I want to get him, but due to this lovely happenstance, I can't afford jack. So goodbye Vegas plans and goodbye Colorado plans and goodbye Avalanche vs. Stars plans and goodbye getting cable+DVR plans. So what's left? HELP!


September 21 - So You Think You Can Dance Live!

October 1st - Boyfriend's birthday + Official break-up date since dude is OLD!

Sometime in October - Have to get new birth control. Must find a way to come up with $500.

Some other time in October - The Great Costume Debate.

October 24th - mutha fucking HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 hits theaters! hellz yeah

October 31st - Halloween (ahhhh screaming kids + endless walking)

Monday, September 8, 2008

hahaha "Iron Man"

Fe Man - Threadless, Best T-shirts Ever

Actually, when I first saw this tshirt design, I didn't automatically think "Iron Man," but I did think; "oh man, I hope this is a print too, and not just a tshirt!" No dice. Stupid Threadless.com. I'm kidding, I love their shit.

Riiiiiiigggggghhhttttttt, cuz star wars geeks are totally having sex. Sureeee.

Star Wars Condoms = Not as Sexy to chicks as you might think.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Holy Crap!


Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Fuck you, Mr. Uninsured-Driver-Who-Likes-To-Run-Red-Lights-And-Tbone-Other-Drivers

Apparently this is what $4,900.00 worth of damage looks like:


Yup, I have to come up with $1,000 by the 19th in order to get my car back.


Random workplace folk: "Oh, would you mind scaning some documents for me today? I need them emailed to so-and-so over at My Life Sucks Because Of This Job Corporation."

Me: "Sure, Mr. Random Workplace Folk! I'll get right on that!"

[Me walks over to All Powerful Scan/Fax/Copy Machine and proceeds to scan documents.]

Me: "WTF? Why won't you work you stupid sonofa*****, mother********* **** ****** ********jaoutoreajnfvowreut*********!