Saturday, January 31, 2009

Now THIS is something I would totally rock on Halloween:

A slutty hamburger dress. Click here to view the product page, with side and rear pictures of the dress. Sadly, no way to buy it. I could totally rock a bra with it, with bacon straps of course. Maybe a bacon garter belt with crocheted stockings. Oh the possibilities. I'll be ordered up your way, baby! hahahahha. You just have to provide the sauce.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Job Interview!

The job was for a credit card/atm troubleshoot call center type thing. I interviewed with two people who I got along great with. It was actually quite an enjoyable interview, so I hope I got the job. They seem like fun people to work with, and I'd rather have fun working in a seemingly boring job, than be crazy bored working in a seemingly great job. Being productive and having fun are the most important things, especially since I just came from the most boring job on the face of the planet. I want to actually be happy in the next job I do, no matter what it is.

I really really hope I got it.

*Oh, and I hope if I do get it, that I get to wear one of those really cute headpiece phone thingys. Those are awesome!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


not me, but still very awesome

3 Things:

:: I officially have a negative balance in my checking account from taking my son to the dentist today. Apparently my credit card is expired and my child support card was declined (wtf?). Fucking YAY.

:: I have an job interview tomorrow. I have to put extra thought into the interview outfit and hair since the guy I'm interviewing for likes pretty girls. I am not optimistic.

:: Oh yeah, and I fully hate life right now.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Music = ♥ ?.....More like: Music = Hoe working to a beat

I change up the music profile playlist that's on my myspace page fairly often, and I do bring it up when I'm on the computer and listen to it when I'm doing other things. That is, when I'm not streaming a radio station online. I do have an iPod, but I have no idea where it is. So I have two playlists that I manage on myspace. One for my profile and one titled "Songs to strip&&fuck to". I'm going to make a third on labeled "hoe mix" soon, full of ghetto ass songs to dance to.

Since my musical tastes are varied and I could never narrow my likes down to one favorite, I'll just list what's on my profile playlist today.

1. Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge
2. Ulysses by Franz Ferdinand
3. Blood On The Ground by Incubus
4. Believe by The Bravery
5. Golden Years by David Bowie
6. Fame by David Bowie
7. American Boy by Estelle
8. United States of Whatever by Liam Lynch
9. Boys With Girlfriends by Meiko
10. You Don't Know Me by Ben Folds

It'll probably be different by tomorrow. But today, it's still groove-worthy.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Obama could kick Darth Vader's ass!

Click for Random Japanese Obama Action Figure

Oooohhhh yeahhhhhh! I'm pretty sure he could take G.I.Joe too! I mean, come on! He even comes with the American flag, microphone, selection of red & blue ties, weapons, interchangeable hands, and picnic set. What more could you possibly need?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Who needs porn when ya got this?!

OMG, I've never been attracted to Jim Carrey before seeing this movie, but GODDAMN, that is HOT! Seriously, maybe it's because I'm a chick and girls get off more to fantasy than visual (unlike guys), but this clip gets me so revved up and ready to go! OH!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

i am the walrus

sorry for the crummy cell phone video, we'll probably make a better quality one soon, since he is obsessed now with the Beatles' tunes from the movie Across the Universe.

wanna break the law?

Step one: Find random electronic road sign, like such:


Hack the guts, like so:


Take a moment to chuckle over awesome results, perhaps snap a pic, then RUN:


hahahahhahahaha. If you would really like to know how to pull that off, click here. The instructions seem easy enough,, i'm too much of a pussy. Plus, I would probably go overboard and make the sign say something super offensive, yet hilarious. O well.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

In case you didn't know...

Our Mayor had sex with an 18yr old intern and lied about it. I have one word for this situation: HOT!

Look, I don't understand how politics is the only time when you have to disclose past sexual relationships and current sexual activity for your job. Why is this ever an issue? I don't understand how a person's most private life is automatically public business when they go into politics. Why is this the only job where it's okay? Any other job and you could sue the pants off (pun totally intended) your boss for asking any questions about your sex life. I get that people are mad that he lied, and mad about the way he lied; making it out to be almost a gay right to not stereotype gay men as pedophiles, and that he was so disgusted that people would accuse him of sleeping with his intern. He probably shouldn't have pushed it that far considering it was a lie. But seriously, I would have lied too. It's no body's business. I don't care what job you have.

"Oh, but it reflects on their character."
"He isn't trustworthy now."
"If a person can't have a stable/uncontroversial life at home, then they couldn't possible have a stable/uncontroversial professional life either."

Guess what? That's all crap. A person's sex life is a non issue. Period.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

A Good Mother doesn't lose her kids, does she?


Or is that one of those, "well, every mother goes through it, but no mother warns others about it" kind of thing? hmmmm?

Earlier today I let my son play out back. Before going outside, I laid down some ground rules:

1) Don't go in the parking lot. Stay on the grass.
2) Don't hit any of the cars with the ball. Don't throw it in that direction.
3) Don't talk to any strangers.
4) I know you like to say hi to people, but today, don't talk to anyone. You don't know it they're good or bad people, okay?

So that was pretty much it. I let him play out back with some random ball. After a while, I can hear him playing with other kids. Of course I periodically check on him, and keep the blinds open so I can see him. I even say hi to the kids that are playing with him.

At one point, my son comes in and asks if he can go to the kid's house to play. I go outside to tell the kids that my son can not go to their house, but maybe tomorrow. I say that they can play until it gets dark, but then my son has to come inside. They agree and decide to keep playing outside for a little while longer.

I'm not letting my child go to anyone else's house until I meet their parents and know where the house it, obviously.

It started to get dark so I go outside to get my son. I don't see any kids. I don't hear any kids. I'd like to say I kept my cool, but I definitely felt a little panicky.

I walk around out back, then I circle our apartment building. No kids. I go back inside to see if he came back. No kid. I grab my keys and my phone and go back out the back door.

I hear some kids running and screaming playfully. I go to where they are and I recognize the two kids that were playing with my son, but I don't see my son with them. They are starting to go inside their apartment and I stop them. "Have you seen the kid with the blue coat?"
Their older brother who wasn't playing with them earlier asks me what's wrong. I tell him nothing, I'm just looking for my son. One of the original asshole kids speaks up.
"He chased us all the way that way."
"Do you know where he is NOW?"

I turn around and leave the little asshole kids who abandoned my son and start the hunt again. As I'm rounding my apartment building and step into the parking lot, I see two women walking on either side of my son, holding his hands. Thank god. I was thisclose to crying, and I was definitely dreading going into the park at night to look for him.

The women tell me that they heard him crying outside their back door by the park. I thank them over and over and show them where we live, in case it ever happens again. yeah right. He tells me that the kids left him there and he got scared since he couldn't find his way home.

Of course he's in trouble for breaking the rules. He had to leave the grassy area to cross the parking lot in order to get near the park. Plus he's not allowed to play with those lying little fuckers anymore either.

In real time, this whole thing didn't last more than 10 minutes, maybe less. I still got scared. I kept imagining finding his twisted body in the parking lot, a victim of some hit and run*. Or finding him getting hassled by some 13yr old thug drug dealers in the park. And it's not like we live in some super bad place, it's just what sprang to mind when I couldn't find my son.

I hope to god that Good Mothers go through this too. I hope it's not a Bad Mother thing. I mean, I almost told him not to talk to kids either, but I don't want to make him that weird kid that doesn't get to play outside ever.

Anyway, I'm glad it's over. I'm glad my son is okay and knows to listen to me now. I'm definitely glad it turned out to be no big deal and that there are still good natured adults that live here. We need to get back to a time when we knew our neighbors.

*That isn't a far fetched thought, a kid that goes to his school got hit by a car just last week or the week before on our street. I think her mom who was walking with her died, but the little girl survived. The road to our apartment complex was closed for hours when it happened and the school just sent home a note urging parents to watch out for post traumatic symtoms in the other students.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Yaying the tv gods!


NBC's The Office has gotten renewed for another season! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Flow Charts are FUN!




click here to see the charts bigger and not so cut-off-y.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


That is totally made out of GUMMY BEARS!

In Detail:

I myself dig the Mommy Gummy Bear and Baby Gummy Pouch!

Click here to check out more of Ya Ya Chou's Gummy Bear Series, amongst other awesome arty awesomeness.

And even though that lamp has GOT to end up being a melted, sticky, sweet sweet mess, it's still pretty rad. Although I do have to wonder why more crackheads haven't thought of this before....*

*Note, I do not think the artist is a crackhead, I am just surprised that actual crackheads haven't thought to do this at 3:30am with their abundance of candy...

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


These people poured cement down into an ant colony and then dug around it to learn what it looks like and OMG it is amazing! Seriously. Craziness. Oh, and fuck ants.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

mario transcents all:

Wish me luck!

-I'm going to need it.


Job interview today. First one since getting "let go" back on fucking Halloween. I'm crazy nervous since I don't have a stellar record with interviews. I just get nervous. Which is stupid since I'm pretty laid back and get along with just about everybody. However, I can also be the quiet person who only gets super awesome after I've been around you for awhile. Not counting the fake outgoing personality I put on when dealing with customers/clients/whomever. All of which can be hard to see when I'm nervous. Ugh.

Plus there is a-fucking-lot riding on this interview. I have barely any money in my bank account. I am late on every bill except daycare and rent. I'm sort of paranoid that my cars will be repo'd. I probably need to check my cingular bill. Not that I have any money to pay that shit anyway. I suppose I'll be living off my credit card again. Yay debt!

Fuck today. I'll need a large alcoholic drink after the interview.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Mid-Morning Dream:

I had a dream...

In my dream, I was high school age, and living with my parents and siblings in some little east coast town. However, it was present day.

We were having some sort of little get-together with friends and family when President Bush showed up with his wife Laura. He was getting ready for his very last televised speech as president and wanted a place to chill out before going on. Of course we said yes.

I was already in my parent's room when President Bush came in and said he wanted to take a nap. He asked me to be the person to wake him up. We got into a small discussion about when he should wake up and what to bring him at that time. The only problem was, we couldn't figure out what the current time was.

My watch time was different than my phone time, and both were completely different than multiple clocks throughout the house. My watch was saying 1:16pm, My phone was saying 4:15pm, and the clock beside the bed was saying 6pm. So, I started to panic.

President Bush lays down while I try to figure out what time it is, so then I can tell him, and he can in turn, tell me when to wake him up.

I walk into the kitchen. Here, many people and their kids are mingling about, eating, talking, visiting with one another. I say, "Excuse me, but does anyone have the correct time?" Somehow, my urgency for find the time is laughable because everyone sort of laughs and brushes me off. Sort of like, oh that jessica, her and her silly notions.

My older brother Jason asks me why it's such a big deal. So I tell him, "well, the president is taking a nap in dad's bed and the ONLY job he gave me was to wake him up at xoclock and i can't even figure out what time it is now, so I could potentially screw up the President's Last Televised Speech by not waking the President up on time!!!"

"Oh, well, that's easy, it's...." and as everyone in the kitchen look around, we realise that none of the clocks say the same time either. I find the president's wife, Laura in the living room at the buffet table. I ask her for the time and say that I have to wake George up but can't figure out when to do it. She misunderstands what I mean by that, and proceeds to make up a plate for him, telling me that George will be pretty hungry when I wake him, and to bring him this tray of food and some coffee. Oh, and a newspaper that is three quarters of the way intact (since it was afternoon, I suppose she didn't want me to bring him a nearly empty paper).

She keeps putting various cold cuts and cheeses and things onto this platter, all the while giving me these instructions; however, some pigtailed little blonde girl keeps picking things off the platter. I tell her to stop and try to shoo her away, but it only adds to the anxiety that is building.

Laura walks away so I decide that I might as well take the tray to the President's bedside. As I start to pick it up, I notice a guy kind of off to the side, shaking his head and sort of chuckling to himself. I'm pretty mentally frazzled at this point and almost yell a "what?!" at him. He says, "what's the big deal, just chill out, no one is going to let the president oversleep. Besides, the job they gave you was to introduce him, not wake him up."

"WHAT?!" Introduce him? Oh god, I have no make up on and I'm wearing a pull over hoodie and look like all around crap. Plus, I don't know how long I have to get ready before the speech since I dont know what TIME IT IS!!!

I run to Laura and ask her about it and she says "noooo! no, you are not introducing him! hahahha I'm sorry, but we have someone else -"

"That's okay, really. I don't want to do it. Thank you so much!"

hahahha so, my anxiety is now pretty much gone with that relief. I figure that I have nothing to worry about and the President's wife or secret service can wake him. I wonder back into the kitchen thinking about how I let all that get me so frazzled and I literally bump into that guy. It dawns on me that he just lied and played a joke on me; which made me look like a bigger fool than I'm sure I was already looking. I playfully hit him and act like I'm mad, but it gets us talking.

He is cute and I already am crushing on him. Even though my dream is set in the past and the present, I know I have a boyfriend. I flirt anyway.

My older brother comes back in and I'm joking and laughing with both of them now. I guess I feel pretty confident at this point, because I pick up a piece of broccoli and walk over to that guy. I say, "would you like to try this? It's pretty awful." He says, "I'll try it but how about we make this out first official mouth to mouth interaction?"

We step out back and I put the broccoli halfway into my mouth and leave half sticking out. He takes the other half with his mouth, ala body shots. It's sexy. I ask him, "pretty awful, huh?" and we laugh.

We go back inside and mingle and just hang out.

The dream kind of turns into something else entirely at that point, but it was pretty odd to begin with. Odd but nice.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


WHYYYYY did I watch this video?!

Dude is clearly auditioning for some sort of reality talent show. And, um...I don't think the judges were "split" on their decision to let him through to the next round.


I can understanding asking for the ring back, but this?

NY man wants kidney back in divorce

Really? How much of a douche do you have to be?

"There is no deeper pain you can ever express than betrayal from someone who you loved and devoted your whole life to. And I saved her life," said Dr. Richard Batista.
Dr. Batista says his wife broke his heart. Now he wants her kidney.
Back in 2001 Batista's wife needed a kidney transplant. He turned out to be a match and ended up saving her life.
But now that there is trouble in paradise, he wants the kidney back.
Of course legally, since the kidney is in his wife's body, it now belongs to her.
Since he can't have it he's asking for over a million dollars in compensation.

Note to self: When making prenup, include a medical organ donation clause!

Glad I'm not the only one...

...who hates Karaoke!

The karaoke machine has been named in a government survey as the most irritating invention.

No freakin' joke!


A poll of more than 2,500 adults found that that nearly 25% of Brits wish it had never been invented.
"When people are singing karaoke they are enjoying themselves, but as a member of the audience you are just watching somebody who can't perform, and isn't particularly pleasant to listen to, for as long as you can bear it."

Monday, January 5, 2009

Saturday, January 3, 2009


Almost being in a wreck is ALWAYS better than being in one, of course. On the drive back from Texas to Oregon, my sister and I were almost in this wreck. Literally, if we hadn't stopped at a convenience store right before that mile marker, we would have been in that wreck. Instead (thankfully) we were stuck right behind it for 3 hours. Driving through that spot after they opened the highway was creepy. You could see skidmarks for a solid mile, and part of the guardrail was out, you could tell a car had gone through it.

A runaway truck smashed into 11 other vehicles on Interstate 5 in the mountains north of Los Angeles on Wednesday, injuring 11 people, authorities said.

"foggy conditions were a factor"...yeah, no joke. At the bottom of the hill was zero visibility. We definitely stopped wondering why the cars didn't move out the of the 18wheeler's way once we drove through that spot.


Friday, January 2, 2009

Merry Blah-Blah

I'm BACK!!!

Sorry it's been so long, I was out of town for the holidays. I'll probably make a video about it. Quite the xmas.