Monday, March 30, 2009

tv junkie?

I AM! And what makes a great tv show is not only their content and execution during their run, but also how they choose to end the series. That is, how they choose to end their series IF they know that they are being taken off the air. I'm not sure if I could come up with a better top 10 Best Television Series Finales than Arlo J. Wiley, but so far his list is very spot on! No matter what shows I've seen or haven't seen, he and I share the same #1 choice, that's for sure!

I suggest reading his Top 10 Best Television Series Finales List for his brilliant explanations as to why these finales are SO great. I'll just compile the list via photos and gush over the number 1 choice.

Again, this is Arlo J. Wiley's List PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go read his article for a super duper great description on each of his choices!

10. "Exeunt Omnes," Oz
oz the best show ever Pictures, Images and Photos

9. "Discos and Dragons," Freaks and Geeks *fuck yes! Freaks&Geeks is in my top five fav shows of all time!
Freaks and Geeks. Pictures, Images and Photos

8. "Made in America," The Sopranos
sopranos_3.jpg Pictures, Images and Photos

7. "Christmas Special," The Office(UK)
The Office UK Pictures, Images and Photos

6. "Daybreak," Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica Pictures, Images and Photos

5. "Goodbye, Farewell and Amen," M*A*S*H
mash Pictures, Images and Photos

4. "Development Arrested," Arrested Development
arrested development Pictures, Images and Photos

3. "Chosen," Buffy the Vampire Slayer *yes!

2. "Not Fade Away," Angel *yes!
Angel - Finale Shot Pictures, Images and Photos

1. "Everyone's Waiting," Six Feet Under *YES! muthafuckin' agreed!
six feet under Pictures, Images and Photos

Here's the thing about Six Feet Under. It's tied in my top 2 fav shows of all time. That, and Firefly. However, Six Feet Under's finale is (at least in mine and Arlo's opinion)the best show finale EVER. I still tear up if I watch the ending montage. Below is said ending montage, but it obviously wont pact quite the punch if you aren't invested in the characters and have never seen the show. It's still perfect, non the less.

no seriously, i started crying 1:23 into watching it just now!

Fucking Perfect!


I'm like a ghost
I'll be living in a dirt room
Waiting for the day to be closer
To the window when you're home
I'll be standing by your back door
Reaching for the knife in my coat
I'm going to put it to your throat
Sweaty piggy, you're a bad man
What a fucking sad way to go
Your mother raised you as a joke
I should have wiped away a burden
Use the curtain in the kitchen to choke

You think you own me
You should have known me
You took the future and the food off my family's plate
You think you'll use me
I'm stronger than you
You take my money, but it's useless
When see what I do to you
Look what I do to you

Oh god then you awoke
You started screaming through the duct tape
Don't ever think I'm letting you go
I'm busy digging you a hole
Now you'll be living in a dirt room
Breathing through the straw of your own
Come on
I really think that this is fun for the money
I'll make it comfy for the time wasted making you rich
I want to cover you in ants, bees and honey
Then take a picture for the cover of our album!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Kamen Rider:

Here I am, on a saturday morning, doing my awesome motherly duties. Kid's set up in the living room watching like, 5 hours of back to back cartoons on the CW and I'm in kitchen actually cooking breakfast. Yes, it's rare, but I'm bustin' out eggs, sausage, and cinnamon rolls. Every heart attack's, and 5yr old's delight. I'm feeling pretty damn good about myself as I brew some coffee. Then it happens.

As I sit down to peep whatever cartoon/show is on, I realize. I've become an uncool parent. What?! When the hell did this happen?! Whyyyyyy?

Where did this horrible epiphemy come from? From my son's saturday morning cartoon. Or show, rather. I'm sitting there, trying to make sense of whatever the hell is on. And I can't. What the fuck is this show? How does a 5yr old keep track of what's going on when I can't? Oh god, I've transformed into one of those mothers. How embarrassing! It happened overnight. Why? I'm a young mother, I thought I would have been able to fight this off for at least another 10 years.

And what show decided to spin me into the very horrible, uncool pit of despair?

Kamen Rider; Dragon Knight

It's like a super confusing Power Rangers, but on motorcycles. And in the world of reflections. And playing cards are somehow power holders. Plus, there is some kind of cross/double cross storyline going on, and with the entire cast looking the same, I'm have trouble keeping track of who's good and who's bad. Or just who's who at this point.

I keep asking Noah to explain certain things, but he keeps throwing out words such as XAVIAX, ADVENT, DARK KAMEN RIDERS, etc. huh?

Okay, I'll accept defeat. Can we watch Hocus Pocus now please?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

It's hard to think through all the cotton-y pain:

I've been sick for a while and whatever I got, I got from my son. Thanks honey. Then the other day he started crying on and off about his ear, so I finally got to take him to a clinic today. Result: he has an ear infection. Luckily I asked his doctor to look in my ear as well. Result: I have an ear infection. WTH? Can I please stop getting ear infections now that I'm a freaking adult?! PLEASE?!!! I got a double ear infection last year, one that I didn't get checked out until my ears had been bleeding for a few days. Thank you America's Healthcare System and my lack of insurance.

However, the doctor was very sweet and understanding and wrote an Rx for both of us, which through some partnership with Fred Meyer, ended up being free.

Also, random dumbass move:

I suppose since I had been sick and out of it, I didn't realize exactly when Spring Break started for my son. I also wasn't reminded since he came home early last wednesday and thursday for feeling sick. Friday I just kept him home and Friday just happens to be the day that reminders and newsletters and whatnots are sent home with our children. So naturally, still feeling like shit, but (sort of) able to move around, I get Noah ready for school Monday morning. Even the news, which is our main selection for background music in the mornings, keeps talking about Spring Break. It still has yet to dawn on me. As I'm driving out of the apartment complex, I notice that there aren't any kids lined up for the bus. I tell Noah how odd that is and finally wonder if there is any school. I drive on. I get to school only to find it deserted. Again, I wonder if there is any school and I can't figure out why there wouldn't be. I drive around from the drop-off location to the front of the school to see if the office is lit up. As I'm rounding the school, somehow, through all the foggy sickness that has settled on my brain, I come up with the answer. SPRING BREAK! Holy crap Noah, it's SPRING BREAK! Right after I figure it out, I hear on the radio that Portland Schools are out for Spring Break. Thanks local djs.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Monday, March 16, 2009

Conversations with a 5yr old:

*In my confused quest to do something with my life, I decide to ask my son what he thinks I should do; since I have no idea myself.

Me: Hey Noah, if you could give me any job in the world to do, what job would you give me? What should I do for work?

Noah: I would want you to be happy.

Me: Awwww. Thank you, but what should I do for a job? Like, what should Mommy do when she grows up?

Noah: You should do whatever you want to do.

Me: Ok, but I don't know what I want to do. What do you think I want to do?

Noah: I think you should be a police lady.

Me: Really? Why?

Noah: 'Cuz you're beautiful.

Me: ...and police ladies are beautiful?

Noah: Yes.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

bad secks?


When you encounter a bad sexual experience, do you stop it or do you endure it?

Bad sex happens to everyone, but it's how you handle it that groups you into 3 different personalities.

1. You stop the bad sex from going any further and become the teacher. You instruct your little heart out until you reach full orgasm. You either repay your partner for doing a good job or not, but it's mostly about you and any future partner they might lay their future knowledge on.

2. You stop the bad sex from going any further and ask the offending party to leave. Or you get up and leave. You might add something classy like, "I'm sorry but you are really horrible in bed, please leave."

3. You endure it. You endure it and hope to god that they finish quick and get the fuck out. Then you never ever ever call them again.

Which one am I? I have to say that in (both) those situations, I've been number 3. I don't like confrontation. Plus, guys are super sensitive to constructive criticism, i.e. will start calling you a bitch and basically throwing a big hissy fit if you try to tell them they suck in bed and to gtfo. So yeah. I'll just lay there and take it. Bored out of my mind. Thinking about who I'm going to call the minute Mr.BadLay leaves to chat all about the horribleness of it.

Awesome clip from the movie Waiting, please click to admire my hero Serena for shutting down Monty

In my bad sex experiences, they were both similar in sexual style.


The first happened when I was 16. I had been flirting with a guy for a while and knew I was going to make my move at a party later that night. I even told him and my mother both that I was going to lick him. I cant remember why that was my brilliant "line" but it worked. I doubt it really mattered what I said since I was 16 and willing. Anyway, we started making out at the party and he eventually led me to some empty house that was being built near the field where the party was. (It might be a southern thing, but field parties or pasture parties are one of 3 main party places.) Luckily the house had just been carpeted, so the sex wasn't too uncomfortable. Well, that is, until the, um... jackhammering began. That was his technique. Rapid, shotgun like humping from behind. A steady rhythm with no real feeling. I felt nothing. He actually came twice within about 10 minutes. It was the biggest joke ever. My thought the entire time was "I've waited for SO LONG to have sex again and this is it? Really?!". Afterwards we pulled our pants up and went back to the party. I went into that situation with the intention of it just being a one time thing, and I left the situation wanting it to be a wish-I-could-go-back-in-time-and-never-experience-that thing. Incidentally, one of my friend's ended up dating him soon after that and after comparing notes, her best sexual experience was also my worst. So to each their own. Also, she probably has a very shallow vagina.

My second bad sexual experience a few years after that. I think I was 19 or 20. My longest relationship had just ended and I was newly single with my own apartment for the first time. I ran into an old employee one night at work and gave him my number so he could come over after my shift ended. I wasn't super attracted to him, I just wanted to have fun and it was the first time I had given my phone number out with the intention to hook up 30 minutes later. I rushed home and picked up a little bit, feeling excited. He called and I gave him directions. Once he got there, it was strictly hit it and quit it time. I'm not sure if the door was shut all the way before he started kissing me. I like aggressive guys so this looked like it was going to be a really great night. But no. I realized very soon why he was so aggressive. He had to make up for his very tiny penis. I was shocked. Seriously. Now, it's not like I've dated black men and am just use to a rather huge, er, lifestyle. I'm not. So that was let down number one. Then the sex. Oh the sex. Much like in the first story, dude only had one technique. Rapid fire. You know the saying, "fuck like rabbits"? Well, that's all I could picture in my head since I was experiencing the literal version of that. He actually humped me so fast and hard that I kept falling off the bed. It was ridiculous. Thank god that it was over quickly. Thank god he had no class and jetted out of there immediately afterwards as well. Needless to say, my phone "lost" his number before I lost sight of his taillights.

Now, maybe if either session had gone on for more than 20 minutes, I might have stopped them and said something, but thankfully it was over before I had the thought process to even begin to think of something to say. I suppose I should be thankful that they were also selfish and didn't want to please me. I might have laughed at the mention of such silly notion. Well, no, I take that back. The first guy was and is a sweet guy. He did ask me if I came, which I promptly lied and said yes to. I don't like hurting feelings. Well, unless it's funny, and the only joke was on me those nights.

So what turns me on? Well, that's a completely different blog, but I'll just leave you with a few words: rope/violent/roughplay/slap and this song that is on my "songs to strip&&fuck to" playlist:

Thursday, March 12, 2009

i've got blogger's block

i'm at a loss on what to write. if anyone wants to know anything in particular, just ask. until a muse donkey punches me with some inspiration, i guess i'm out.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Take a bite outta crime.

Metro bus driver takes bite out of McGruff the Crime Dog, police say

McGruff never saw this one coming.

McGruff the Crime Dog, the stern but beloved police mascot who teaches children how to stop crime before it happens, became a victim himself this weekend when a Metro bus driver punched him in the face as a stunned group of children watched, authorities said.

McGruff, who is played by D.C. Police Officer Tyrone Hardy, was passing out fliers to children at the corner of 14th Street and Spring Road in Northwest Washington around 2:30 p.m. Saturday when a Metrobus pulled up to the curb.

The bus driver, 38-year-old Shawn Brim, climbed out of the bus, adjusted both side-view mirrors and then slugged McGruff in the face with his closed fist, according to a police report. Because the huge McGruff head offered little visibility, Hardy didn't see the punch coming, one officer said.

McGruff staggered, children screamed, and the crime dog's attacker jumped back into the bus and drove off, police said. A call of an assault on a police officer went out over the police radio while passengers on the bus yelled at Brim.

D.C. police working with McGruff hopped in their cruisers and pulled over the Metrobus three blocks away. Brim, 38, later told a supervisor that he was trying "to be funny," Metro spokeswoman Candace Smith told The Examiner on Monday.

"But nobody here finds it funny, believe me," Smith said.*NOBODY BUT THIS BLOGGER, THAT IS* "That kind of behavior is not tolerated."

Hardy was left with a swollen right cheek but refused to be taken to the hospital by D.C. paramedics. Hardy called in sick Monday.

"He was in good spirits but seemed more concerned that the attack upset the kids," police Lt. Alan Thomas said.

Brim was charged with simple assault. His arraignment had not been scheduled as of Monday afternoon.

Brim, who has been employed by Metro since 2003, will undergo drug and alcohol testing by Metro officials, and his future with the agency is under review, Smith said. Brim has a history of arrests in the District of Columbia, including on suspicion of prostitution on Oct. 30, 2006, possession of PCP in 1994 and possession of a gun in 1990, according to court records. In each case, prosecutors declined to file the charges in court.

All Metro transit employees go through background checks when hired, Smith said. Metro applicants are not eligible for hire if they have one felony conviction within the last three years or two within the last 10 years. Applicants with multiple arrests or convictions for lesser crimes will be less likely to be hired, Smith said.

(Copyright 2009 by The Examiner. All Rights Reserved.)

Wait a min. This dude has a history of prostitution, drug possession, and gun possession; and he STILL got hired to drive around a bunch of kids?! Are you kidding me?! I guess as long as your driving record is clean, it's all good.

However, this is still hilarious. The crime enforcement mascot was punched in the face. In front of children. What could be more perfect than that?

Monday, March 2, 2009

yes please!

Pi Ice Cube Tray


Plus, I always wanted to have my own shop named Pi. But with the symbol, not actually spelled out. Regardless of what the shop sold. Cuz I'm a dork.