Thursday, September 25, 2008

I just had the creepiest encounter...

[Sharply dressed man enters office. Mid to late 30's, Possibly early 40's. Blond hair, blue eyes.]

Me: Good Morning!

Sharply Dressed Man: Good Morning! How are you doing today?

Me: I'm doing great, how are you?

Sharply Dressed Man: I'm doing pretty good. (Smiles) Do you have a business card for the property owner?

Me: Sure.

[as I'm reaching for said business card..]
Sharply Dressed Man: I use to do the landscaping for this location and I guess he went with someone else .....(continues into long story about landscaping)

Me: Oh well, yes, Kevin would be who you would talk to about that. [Hands him business card]

Sharply Dressed Man who just gave me suedo-sob story: What's your name?

[We exchange names]
Sharply Dressed Man who just gave me some bullshit sob story: I think I was told to talk to you about any decisions being made about landscaping. Yes, I'm pretty sure Kevin told me to talk to you about that.

Me: No, no I don't make any of those decisions. Kevin is the decision maker, he has to sign off on everything. Ha ha, I'm rarely kept in the loop. Ha Ha (nervous laughter, thinking: okay, you can go now)

Sharply Dressed Man who is now lingering: (Still smiling) That's a nice tattoo.

Me: (Surprised, since dude has not looked anywhere but into my eyes) Oh, thanks.

Sharply Dressed, Lingering Man: Did it hurt?

Me: No, not at all.

Sharply Dressed, Lingering Man: Oh really? Mine hurt. (shows me his tattoo, which is located on the back of his shoulder.) See here? The skin is thin here and that's why it hurt. Here, feel how thin this is.

Me: Uh, yeah. Well, I want my next tattoo on my foot, so I'm sure that one will hurt.

Sharply Dressed, Stalling Man: (brightens) Oh, your foot! Where on your foot?

Me: (shows where next tattoo will be by pointing along the top of my foot) Here and here.

Sharply Dressed Man: (rubs his finger along the top of my foot) Oh yeah, that's going to hurt right there. See? The skin is thin. Wow, you have really little feet!

Me, Slightly creeped out: Really? Um, no, they're pretty big.

Sharply Dressed, Slightly Creepy Man: No. What size do you wear?

Me: I wear about an 8 1/2, 9.

Sharply Dressed, Slightly Creepy Man: Nooo, really? Can I see your feet again?

Me, Very Creeped Out: Uh, yeah, see. They're pretty big, but I'm tall so maybe it just doesn't seem like it.

Definitely Creepy Man: Where are you getting the tattoo again?

Me, Desperately Wanting This Conversation To Be Over: Here and here (pointing).

Creepy Man: (running his fingers along my foot) Oh. So, no pantyhose today?

Me: um. (nervous laughter) no. yeah, I know, I need them. (puts legs under desk)

Me: but yeah, I kind of hope it hurts when I get my foot tattooed. (realizes how that just sounded) Uh, because my feet are extremely ticklish, so I don't know if it's going to hurt or tickle.

Creepy Guy: haha Really?

Me: Yeah, I can tickle my own feet. That's how ticklish they are.

Creepy Guy: Like, the tops of them?

Me: (puzzled as to why we are having this conversation) Uh, no. (thinks).. NO. Just the bottoms I guess. But it's really weird.

Creepy Guy: ha ha. Wow. Well, I don't know, it'll probably hurt.

[Somehow, my feet are back in his hands at this point]

Creepy Guy: (rubbing the top of my foot and starts to slip his finger down the inside of my foot, all the while looking up at me and grinning.)

Me: (Officially creeped out, and pull my foot away.) ha ha. (nervous laughter) Yeah, that tickled. ha ha. (it didn't tickle. perhaps the one time in my life that someone touched my foot and it didn't tickle. I guess creepy is my krypton)

Me: So, uh, haha, yeah, Kevin is who you need to call about landscaping.



So that's basically where the conversation wrapped up. He said he would give my boss a call and left. Um....wtf? I understand fetishes, believe me do I understand them. But to be totally creepy to a stranger, in a place of business....inappropriately so? I don't know. I'm officially creeped out for the day. Just think: That guy probably went and jacked off in his car after our little exchange.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
CREEPIEST GUY EVER!!
He's thinking "Oh her feet if I could only have rubbed my penis on her feet!" ♥ Krista

Anonymous said...

oh so creepy! I wonder what would have gone down if you had told him that you wanted your next tattoo to be on your ass. -Becky

Slider9012 said...

ohhhhhhh shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhit! LMFAO!
Dude, this is one of your BEST entries EVA!
omg, he totally wanted to suck your toes.
freaky.
Good story, thanks for sharing :)
xXx