Mom: I wish you were here, I miss partying with you!
Me: I wish I was there too mom. Where are you right now?
Mom: I'm riding in a car with my friend Tracy, we're going back to his house. We had to stop by my house to pick up some Vicodin. You should meet Tracy's friend, I told them how beautiful you are.
Me: UGH Maaahhh-uhhhm! Stop pimping me out to all your friends!
Mom: hahahahha but I told them you were too rough for them anyway.
[Laughter and talking in the background]
Mom: They said that they would bring their rope. hahahaha
Me: Gross mom, I think I'm going to vomit.