Friday, July 18, 2008

survey says?

1)Would you spend the rest of your life with your current partner?
-oh god no. i'm too slutty and realistic.

2)Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
-it's kinda hard to resist my son. i swear, that kid is growing up to be a rapist.

3)Are you crushing on someone?
-no. i'm content-with-our-boring-life-and-have-pretty-much-settled on someone

4)Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt?
-does almost breaking his penis count?

5)Have you ever made a close friend cry?
-if wishes were tears then chuck norris would round kick you in the face

6) Are you happier single or in a relationship?
-as long as i'm getting laid and not getting bitched at for being the lazy one during intercourse, then i'm all good

7)Have you ever told someone you loved them and didnt mean it?
-no. i have told someone that i fully intended to pay back their loan, and didnt mean it

8)Have you ever had your heart broken?
-well, it's sort of hard to locate my heart. i mean, i'm pretty sure its still there, but it has kind of shrunk in size and rolled into the far corners of my guts or something.

9)Have you ever broken someones heart?
-i'm pretty sure the "sorry for breaking your heart" blowjob was a good consolation prize. even when breaking up, i am still the best girlfriend.ever.

10)Talk to any of your OLD friends?
-only during the visiting hours that Crestwood Living Retirement Home allows

11)If you could go back in time and change things, would you?
-i would have definitely opted for the neon orange parachute pants...yeah, yellow was SO not the way i should have gone with that one.

12) have someones number that u dont know?
-do you mean like "you're number's up, bub!" or "phone number"? cuz my answer could go either way...

13)Think any of your friends like you more then a friend?
-well, i am awesome at sucking cock and eating pussy, so yes.

14)Do you believe that you are a good boyfrIend or girlfriend?
-no. i'm the BEST. girlfriend. ever. How many girlfriends do you know who let their boyfriends hit it from behind so that he can watch the sci-fi channel while eating a ham sandwich? the BEST one, that's who

15)Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
-second chance at not tainting beef? no, not at all.

16)Do you want to get married?
-the only good things that come from a wedding: cake.

17)Ever liked someone elses boyfriend or girlfriend?
-sure, but my friends and i usually swapped once we were finished anyway.

18)Have you told anyone youd marry them...?
-not even in my drunkest blackouts have i mentioned marriage. thank god, i am totally allowed to be in vegas now. throwing bottles of perfume at his head, my boyfriend can handle; wanting to get married, my boyfriend can NOT handle.

19)How many times have you really wanted someone you couldnt have?
-many, many, many, many times. what can i say? my vagina gets all tingle-y when i drink alcohol.

1 comment:

Slider9012 said...

HAHAHA, Jess, this post rawked my cock.
I like anyone who let's guys hit it from behind!!